| Wow, I really haven't written in a long time. I was just playing around and thought I'd come back here and take a look. I don't even know what I posted about last time. I suppose I could just go back and read it.|
Oh man, one of our agents is locked out of her computer. Looks like it's been configured wrong and so far none of my attempts to get through have worked. We'll probably have to send her a new computer. I wish we had the resources to test these computers before we send them out to agents but as it is we barely have time to get them ready.
What's worse is we have this store in New Orleans that thinks they should keep running in the middle of a storm. This store is running off a generator because the power is out, which is causing all sorts of problems. What the hell?! Who runs a McDonald's when there isn't power? If the store is that bad they should send the employees home so they can be with their families. It's ridiculous.
|Clearly I should be sleeping now but I can't quite seem to convince myself to put my head to the pillow. I don't why I am feeling so resistant to it lately. I know I'd wake up feeling a lot better if I did it, but no not yet! I must do something before I lay down but what?! I may never know.|
Ever since I graduated I've been feeling increasingly less in touch with people. Not to mention that I spent so much time working in college that I didn't really get to know people at all. I sort of have that problem of just working all the time to avoid interaction with people. I always have something I need to do or should be doing instead of being with people. What's wrong with me? Why do I spent so much time avoiding people then beat myself up later for doing it?
Meh, it must just be what I'm good at. It's my gift.
I've always had a problem with the various myths about creation. Especially, those claiming creative just create beautiful things without any practice or hard work. That's a load of trash. Leanardo Da Vinci didn't finish some frescos because he spent so much damn time in planning and never found a designed he liked. A lot of creativity it trying really hard for a long time until you think well maybe possibly what you just made is good. God created the world and said it was good. People create and they say, "Ah, hell this shit is acceptable." Maybe that's what eating the apple from the tree of knowledge did to us, robbed us of our confidence. Adam saw his dick hanging out and he thought, "This thing is gross, I gotta cover it up with something."
It could be that some people are able to crank out beautiful things without working at it, but I am incredulous about such people. No matter what it seems like people, even the great geniuses of history, that while they may have has some natural ability they still had to work hard to achieve a stage where it could be used. Mozart is often credited with knowing full well that he could effortlessly make the most incredible music of his time. He was clearly a genius, but there's also the fact that he spent years and years studying music as a child under his father, and even more after that.
Clearly, I am jealous of the ability of others to create and perhaps instead of sitting here pondering other peoples misconceptions about creativity I should you know just start doing it. There something tough about getting it going. I think that creative people eventually get more comfortable with learning how to turn it on when necessary or at least understanding their personal process of creativity. I just don't feel like I have anything to start with yet, so I just keep filling my head with things. Things which may not lead me in any particular direction, and hell it might just be making the whole process harder. Yet again, I may just be better of doing it rather than constantly trying to get ready to do it.
The creative process sucks and I may never figure out how to get myself rolling in the right direction.
It's been cloudy and cold all day, which turned out to be a bit of a departure from the humidity of the previous day. I suppose rain has that sort of effect this time of year. When it rains in the summer it keeps the humidity going, but in the fall it just makes everything grimy looking like a scene before the end of the world. If there is a time of year I am most of afraid of being attacked by zombies it is the fall.
On the subject of flesh eating creatures, I have it from a reliable source that Black Sheep comes out this week. I suspect you are not nearly as excited as I am but hopefully your curiosity has been piqued.
I just finished reading the The Best and Brightest by David Halberstam. If you want to have a general idea of what the decision makers in Iraq are thinking, arguing, and agonizing over right now, this book is a good place to start. It's about the decision making that occured at the top level of the American government during the Vietnam war and how it was deluded by blind faith in technological might and the ability of American's to do anything they set their minds to. Of course, France fucked up before us in the exact same but you know, they're the French. They got steamrolled by the Germans in World War II so clearly their not as well equiped as us. The worst and the best thing about the book is that it is so comprehensive. There were times when it felt like I was reading excerpts from the Old Testament. I would've liked to been able to remember even a fraction of the details he offered up, but in the end all of the details coalesced into a few general ideas about how Vietnam was mismanaged. It was hard even to remember all of the names, even of the key players. Although, I imagine that would've been easier had I been alive during the Vietnam War. It was an arduous read but worth every page.
After reading Halberstam's book I can't help but feel even more strongly that Bush is going to go down as history as one of our worst presidents. Sure Johnson is mared by the Vietnam war and rightfully so, but at least he adimantly felt that social programs were more important than military spending. This of course caused some of the worst and longest lasting fallout of Johnson's legacy. He tried to push through his Great Society, which provided a ton of relief for poor families, but he put of a lot of important decisions about Vietnam and lied about the cost of the war to get the Great Society through. He knew that if the Republicans saw how much the war cost they would be more than happy to say that the Great Society can not be funded until after the war. He also got other legislation through which improves his legacy. Sadly, Bush doesn't seem to have much to show for himself unless by some miracle he turns the war around in Iraq. The No Child Left Behind act has been disasterous, sad because there needs to be education reform in this country. The only purpose of his medicare plan seems to be to prove that socialized health care doesn't work. But I'm sure rich people will be patting Bush on the back for years to come for padding their off shore accounts.
The subject of tax cuts for the rich is on the fore-front of my mind tonight because my Republican American friend visited tonight. He is primarily a fiscal conservative so our greatest split is on trickle down economics. I really thought this was disproven during Reagan's reign but apparently there are those who feel he proved it works. I do agree with the idea that trade can help to stabilize a nation, e.g. a government would not start a war with another country if they are trading with that country because it would devistate their economy and vice versa. The U.S. seems to be more concerned with making sure that everybody is trading with us than with everybody else, which seems to give the rather strong impression of a puppet master rather than a peace maker.
If you get a chance you should check out the Old Negro Space Program . I've been watching The War recently on PBS and this short movie is an awesome spoof of Ken Burns' documentary style as well as an incredible reminder of how racism has kept Black people out of many of the major events of American history. From what I've seen so far of The War Lynn Novick and Ken Burns have comprehensively covered the rising racial tension of World War 2 and the accomplishments of Black soldiers during the war and how crazy difficult it was for them to contribute at all to it. I understand if you're interest in World War 2 isn't strong enough to watch all 14 hours of the documentary but try to sit down and watch two hours of it. You'll quickly see how adroitly Novick and Burns comment on present by recording the past.
|June 11, 2007
It's weird how I arrive here from so
many journey's unto the world's nearest places.
Other people, poets actually, not
really people anyway
They have a way with words which I
don't grasp, perhaps it's just a way with experience that I may never
I live closed off more shell than
No that's not true just because I am
not as busy as Kerouac does not mean I have missed my chance
Chances are lances that stab at the
100 pages, 99 shit, one gold, a summary
of a Hemingway quote I read today. If that's true that I clearly need
to pound out more words per minutes or else I'll never get anywhere
fast. Of course writing novels may not be my preferred profession but
writing in general to communicate ideas and to allow projects to be
accomplished properly is important. It's the ability to ask questions
that is most intrical to my job. Perhaps that's why the CIO hoped I
had more questions because they want somebody who asks numerous
questions. I didn't really know what to ask him. I want the job, are
you going to give it to me? I've heard good things about Eide Bially,
is it as good as I hear? I asked other questions during the course of
interview as I am wont to do. I love discussions. i don't care much
for questions and answers. bam bam bam bam each one a reply more
furious than the one that proceeded it.
Ah to create art that makes people weep
for centuries there's something to aspire to. Of course no one knows
quite what will survive the walks of time.
I probably shouldn't stay up so late
since I have to go work in the morning. Well it's monday, everyone is
tired on Mondays. The world will go 'round whether I keep up with it
or not. By noon I am usually running as fast as the rest.